The Angel in Angela

Being Courageous

2010-02-25T22:21:00.003-05:00

I've been reading this book: "Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously". There are so many great pearls of wisdom that I want to share from it!! But there are really too many for one sitting SO I'm going to randomly open the book and share a quote. Here we go:

"Fear is nothing but absence of love. Do something with love, forget about fear. If you love well, fear disappears. If you love deeply, fear is not found.. . Be courageous in love, take courage. Be adventurous in love; love more, and love unconditionally. If you have some conditions in the mind then you will never be able to love; those conditions will become barriers. Because love is beneficial to you, why bother about conditions and don't ask anything in return. If you can come to understand that just by loving people you grow in fearlessness, you will love for the sheer joy of it!"

I say be fearless in your love!! And this requires no barriers, no walls! This requires being courageous because to love this freely you will have to face your fears and sometimes this isn't easy. But once you face them, you see them for what they truly are- illusions!! If you resist looking at them, they persist and you make them real.

So once again, let's be courageously in love!

Living Passionately: Take One

2010-02-23T22:57:00.002-05:00

I've started a new Landmark Education seminar: "Living Passionately". The intention of the seminar is "to leave you playing the game of life with purpose, grace and ease." One of my assignments this week is to share with at least one person what I am committed to getting out of the seminar and I'm hoping by sharing through my blog at least one person will read this b/c it's late and I haven't talked with any one personally about it!

I feel like I'm really living my life with more passion than I have in a long time, but I know that I could be "playing the game of life with purpose, grace and ease" more fully. I want to discover what my blind spots are to fully embracing my life with passion and I want to use whatever tools this education has for this seminar in order to do that. I am 100% committed to participating in this seminar, doing the assignments and getting as much out of it as I can to cause this transformation in my life.

So there it is. .. .and to close I want to share this quote that was read during the seminar last night. A Zen poet said, "A person who is a master in the art of living makes little distinction between their work and their play, their labor and their leisure, their mind and their body, their education and their recreation, their love ad their religion. They hardly know which is which and simply pursue their vision of excellence and grace, whatever they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing. To them they are always doing both."

I'm happy to say that I'm feeling this myself more and more in my life!!! After this seminar, I hope I can define myself in this way completely!

Courage: A Valentine Message!

2010-02-13T10:41:00.002-05:00

So it's Valentine's weekend and I'm holed up in my house which is surrounded by a winter wonderland (yes, Atlanta got dumped on yesterday in a big way). I LOVE IT!! It is so gorgeous and today the sun is shining as whisps of snow are being blown in the sunlight everything glitters. It's magical.

I sat down about an hour ago to eat my Valentine breakfast (a croissant lathered in chocolaty nutello!) and continue reading my latest book: "Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously". The second chapter is where I left off and it is entitled, "What is Courage". Here are some quotes that I thought were especially appropriate given the Valentine theme going on:

"The word courage is very interesting. It comes from a Latin root "cor", which means heart. So to be courageous means to live with the heart. And weaklings, only weaklings, live with the head; afraid, they create a security of logic around themselves. Fearful they close every window and door- with theology, concepts, words, theories-and inside those closed doors and windows, they hide.

The way of the heart is the way of courage. It is to live in insecurity; it is to live in love, and trust; it is to move into the unknown. It is leaving the past and allowing the future to be. . . .A person who is alive, really alive, vitally alive, will always move into the unknown. There is danger there, but he will take the risk. The heart is always ready to take the risk, the heart is a gambler. The head is a businessman. The head always calculates-it is cunning. The heart is noncalculating.

To live through the heart is to discover meaning. . . The head cannot listen it is very far away from the unknown. The head is filled with the known. What is your mind? It is all that you have known. It is the past, the dead, that which has gone. Mind is nothing but accumulated past, the memory. Heart is the future; heart is always the hope. . . Listen to your heart. That is the only scripture I prescribe: listen very attentively, very consciously, and you will never be wrong. And listening to your own heart, you will never be divided. Listening to your own heart you will start moving in the right direction, without ever thinking of what is right and what is wrong."

I'd like to type up the whole chapter here but that seems inappropriate for this avenue of expression. . .too much information! So I leave you with the challenge to make a commitment this Valentine's weekend to follow your heart and live your life!

Being Unreasonable Part. 2

2010-01-23T15:11:00.002-05:00

I'm reading this fabulous book which everyone should read. It will rock your world! "Half the Sky: Turning Oppression in to Opportunity for Women Worldwide". At the beginning of Chapter 3 there is a quote by the famous playwright, George Bernard Shaw, "Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people."

This week I set up a meeting with Dollywood Productions business manager, Ted Miller, not necessarily because he believes in my idea (YET) but because I was unreasonable with him and myself. Big thanks to Scott and Susan for being unreasonable with me!! My challenge to all of you is to be unreasonable with yourself and others in living your life with integrity to the truth of who you are as a divine spiritual being. It's only our fears that cause us to be reasonable and play small. Neale Donald Walsh wrote: "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

Once again I am reminded. .

2010-01-17T13:54:00.005-05:00

As an adult I've been based out of three southern cities which is interesting in and of itself since my roots are in CA and I grew up primarily on the east coast and in the north. . . but we won't get into that!

While in Charlotte, NC, I really ran around, "going, going, going" in all areas of my life and I did accomplish alot. I would also say that my yin and yang were out of balance and more often than not I was operating very much from a place of male energy (is that yin or yang? I can't remember). In Nashville, I had a real awakening to what I call my "goddess" within after some ego smashing experiences. I really spent some time nurturing the feminine parts of myself especially in the last two years I was there and didn't really accomplish alot by worldly standards. My relationship with the divine, though, became much stronger. Here in Atlanta, I'm really practicing balance between my yin and yang. To me that means, starting off my day in a real state of being one with spirit (relationship and intuition being feminine aspects) and moving through my day where the action/doing (masculine aspects) comes from that place. I have had a tendency to run around doing, doing, doing without being in touch with spirit and being guided by my "higher self" (as many of us do). As a result, I have wasted alot of energy doing things that kept me running in circles or don't take us anywhere- or worse, were destructive. I created stress. Instead of staying present and listening to spirit, I worried. So the challenge is to find ways to remain tuned in through out the day and get in the habit of listening to spirit before leaping. I am committed to exercise my spiritual muscles in this way, trusting in what I hear . . .what I feel in my body. This is my commitment to myself this year. . .this is what surrender means to me.

Being Okay with Being Uncomfortable

2010-01-17T00:33:00.002-05:00

I have to vent a little here! How does one expect to really grow without stepping out of their comfort zone!? And take so called "risks"? Either you keep repeating things. .. doing the same old thing, pulling from your old bag of familiar tricks or you try something new, put on a new perspective, remain willing to be in uncomfortable, unfamiliar places and not run to your safety zone. . and grow as a result. This isn't easy when you are in the middle of it, but it sure makes life alot more adventurous, exciting, interesting and extraordinary. I see too many people settling. . .doing whatever possible to keep things so called "safe" and so called "easy". . . . BORING! People living ordinary lives who could be extraordinary if they would just face their fears and open their hearts! AND Let's be committed to the growth that intimate relationships can offer you when things get difficult. . .they get difficult because our egos get involved and dismantling ourselves of the ego to reveal the truth of who we are is what it's all about. If you run away from a relationship because of the ego shit it's bringing up for you, you loose an opportunity to really look at your stuff and to exercise your spiritual muscles in the face of the difficulty. You loose opportunities to try new things and put on new perspectives within the relationship- things that you may not feel comfortable with because of the very fact that they are a new way of being for you. I realize that we all need to take steps to peeling back the ego layers and that certain things just bring up too much stuff for us to handle at once- but let's not be wimps either and run away from opportunity just because it's not easy. . .it's not easy only because of the grasp that our ego has on us. And what we resist will persist. Relationships where both people are committed no matter what . . .where both are willing to openly communicate and willingly listen and ultimately take responsibility for their ego stuff will create an opportunity like no other to truly step into divine being and eventually create an extraordinary, joyful, meaningful, and amazing life experience. Come on people. . .this is where the juice is. .. stop running from each other to find spirituality away from the ego's discomfort.

Accepting my Weaknesses

2010-01-13T10:03:00.002-05:00

So, I really took on 100% integrity to my divine self this year. And the first thing that comes up for me on New Years Day is an awareness around probably my biggest block to taking this on . . and that is being in full acceptance of my humanness/my weaknesses!! I want so much to be bigger and better than I am that I have a hard time looking and truly seeing aspects of myself that I consider undesirable. In particular, I have felt like I should be above the heartache I sometimes still feel around my ex-husbands affair. I'm really thankful to a dear friend for calling me on that and allowing me to see that and accept it. What I really got in my body is that we will never transcend our humanness until we can fully accept it and look at it and be okay with it realizing that it's part of this life's journey. Really getting this has been sooooooooo freeing!!! What an awesome way to start this new year. Special thanks to Joanne!

Complete Surrender and Integrity to myself in 2010!!!

2010-01-02T17:29:00.004-05:00

This is my committment!!! Last year I really stepped into living with much more integrity to myself and surrender to spirit in my life. This year I want to commit to striving for 100%!!! Speaking of surrender a dear, dear friend of mine turned me on to this webster dictionary definition of surrender which is AWESOME (what is in bold is my input!):

1. a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another (spirit/God) upon compulsion or demand b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another ( spirit/God)

(and surrendering to the ego is . . ..)

2. a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence. . .ie any kindof addiction!)

Awareness is the first step to healing! Also. . thank God I've become more and more aware of where I personally am out of integrity . . .with the help of friends/family! Thanks to you dear friends/family!

HAPPY HAPPY JOYFUL PEACEFUL FUN ADVENTUROUS NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

Life is miraculous if you let it be!

2009-12-14T20:09:00.002-05:00

I have gotten really inconsistent about my blog. I'm going to try and get on every day even if it's just to type a sentence or two.

In creating an extraordinary life, I'm having to let go more and more and it amazes me how things unfold beautifully in surprising directions. When we try to control the situation, all we have to pull from is our bag of tricks - strategizing comes only from our past experiences and does not leave us open for entirely new possibilities. These new possibilities can seem scary because they take us to unknown and uncomfortable territory- but boy oh boy, once we leap. . .joy and rapture! Life is never dull as we allow it to unfold moment to moment going with the flow willing to leave our known places of so called comfort (boring-ness!).

This past weekend in Nashville was amazing as usual. .I always have certain expectations but ones I'm not attached to and my expectations are always exceeded by something I could have never imagined. Life is miraculous if you let it be!

Nurturing the seeds of inspiration

2009-12-03T13:09:00.004-05:00

I've been in somewhat of a healing cocoon mode. . .very much a state of being with spirit ALOT. What I've noticed is that it's time to start moving into a more active phase. . ..time to start to act on inspirations with focus, intention, energy and passion. Time to move into more of a balance between being (feminine) and doing (masculine).

The Landmark Education seminar, "Breakthroughs: Living Outside the Box", has been really instrumental in helping me move into more of a balanced place. And for this I'm very grateful. I can have a tendency to get into such a mode of what Interplayers would call easy focus and stay there too long. It's grate to allow things to unfold but when you put energy and intention behind the allowing you can move things along to come to fruition more quickly and this is not to be confused with pushing or controlling. It's just how things work. If you plant a seed in the ground and just leave it, it may or may not come up depending on the circumstances and that may be best. But if the conditions are conducive to growing that particular kindof plant, you can either allow it to come up on it's own or you can take action to nurture it into a more healthy, vibrant plant that may blossom and put out fruit even more abundantly and quickly with care and nurturing.

So, I've been simmering with certain inspirations and now knowing that it's time to take more focused actions to help things blossom with abundance. Keep posted for news on the fruits of my labors!!!

Grateful for Relationships!

2009-11-23T20:46:00.004-05:00

It's been three months in a new city and I'm feeling like somewhat of a hermit. When I'm here, I'm working out of my home most of the time in this quaint little town, in my treehouse which I love. And most weekends I'm traveling or "working" so I haven't had a lot of opportunities to get out and relate to many people. . .to collaborate.. .etc. And I find under these circumstances it's much harder for me to get motivated, passionate and energized about things in general after a certain amount of time by myself each day.

This past Thursday two of my dear friends came to town and we not only played together, we got to perform together and it was sooooooo much fun and sooooooo energizing for me to have them here. They made me laugh and they brightened my days. I was happy to have them both staying with me and thought to myself that I would actually prefer to live with more people that I know are pretty healthy, loving and supportive. Marquetta and I (one of my singing partners) actually lived together for 2 years and it was great to have her around. I am sooooo looking forward to her being my neighbor starting next month and continuing our artistic collaboration. I'm also looking forward to Masankho's arrival (another artist/collaborator that I work with) tonight and meeting with him tomorrow. I'm getting to the point where I'm really tired of my alone time.

This all made me think about how important relationships are. . . .how important it is to be in relationship with people who love, support and energize you. For me, this can't just be my son, who is now a teenager and preoccupied with many other things. For me, I need meaningful adult relationships that are consistent and really present in my life. I know it will help to have my artistic collaborator/friends here. . ..but I also know that I need to get out more and extend myself more. Relationships are what make life truly fulfilling, rich and joyful.

Being Childlike

2009-11-10T21:40:00.003-05:00

So, I'm taking my first piano lesson in a VERY long time tomorrow. Yes, I have been playing piano these past few years with the Pacha Mamas and composing songs. . . .but there are limits to what I can do because of my experience. So, I'm really excited about expanding my abilities!

This past week was absolutely amazing!! It was like all these seeds I've been planting just decided to break ground all at once. It was one wonderful thing after another in terms of my projects! And many amazing synchronisties. The interesting thing is that I just got my first astrological chart done at the beginning of October and a reference was made to this happening for me after Oct. 30th because Libra is doing something in my chart. ???? I don't know exactly what it is but bring it on!!!

I picked up the book I've been reading on and off, "Powerful Beyond Measure", yesterday evening and read this passage which I thought was very appropriate given my previous entry!

"Our power comes from being a child again. Not childish, but childlike. We can be childlike at any age, with any responsibilities. It is a quality that is eternal with us. Childlike means having an innocence and willingness to receive. When we are truly childlike again, we can be taken care of, we can be loved, we can receive fully. Love wants to give so much but we must become childlike again to see what is truly available."

Today, I slept in and then I went running in the rain. After that, I worked on carving some steps out of the dirt at the steepest part of the hill just before the creek in mu backyard. . .in the rain.. .and I got covered in mud and drenched. But, it felt good. I took a hot shower, got dressed and went bargain clothes shopping- in particular for the concert this weekend. I have been working on and off on my projects since then. It was really refreshing to mix things up schedule wise and do what I felt like doing when I felt like doing it without any judgement or guilt. It was very freeing and felt very childlike. As for tomorrow, who knows what awaits. . the only thing set in stone is yoga class and my piano lessons which I'm so dang excited about. Oh. .. I had an inspiration during one of the dreams I had this morning. . .I've been wanting to write a song for the orphans in Africa and the hook came to me in a dream. . .so I'm ready to sit down and make it happen!! YEAH

Awakening the Deadened

2009-11-02T22:47:00.006-05:00

Interesting that Halloween was just a couple days ago and then yesterday was the Day of the Dead, and I've felt like over the last 24 hours some of the things inside of me that have been deadened since sometime in childhood have awoken! AND tonight is a full moon (awawwwwww. . this is a coyote howl).

I was thinking today that out of the several houses I've lived in since graduating from college, how this one would be the one that I would have chosen as a kid to live in.. .it's my favorite by far, to date. It's my own "tree house"!!! I'm starting to make a path through my little woods down to the creek where I will have a little bonfire circle place. I'm cleaning up the debris that has come down the creek and I'm imagining making the way along the path very whimsical.. .with gnome houses, mossy places, rock gardens, etc. Yeah!

My projects are all unfolding with ease and grace and I'm feeling the movement and having faith that all is happening as it should. I'm feeling very motivated and excited about all of them. I'm starting to feel a real sense of belonging, of being at home here, and wanting to help create more community through the arts here in my own community. I pulled out my kayaks for the first time yesterday and took them to the lake at Stone Mountain- it was such a gorgeous day. I'm leaving one of them inflated and leaning against my house so I can take it down to the lake here on a whim. I had another bonfire tonight in celebration of the full moon and all the things I am grateful for (a wonderful weekend with my son and niece for one!). It was hard to keep the fire going because everything is still so wet, but I persisted and had a nice little fire in the end. It reminded me of my life. . .persisting with the things I believe in until I get it "right". At one point, there was a green flame and I thought. . ."it's my prosperity and abundance fire dance!!". .which it was. And then to top it all off as I was sitting there on the bench, cuddling with my dog in front of the fire. . .I looked up through my tall trees to see the full moon shining right in front of me. "Favorite Things" came to mind and I just had to sing it and it brought me such joy. I do LOVE music. Tonight, I also decided I'm going to take piano lessons again! Yeah!!! The child within is awakening. . .and when I say that, I really mean those beautiful parts of myself that got covered over along the way through adulthood. I really feel like I've come home in more than one way.

Progress is Happening!

2009-10-26T22:00:00.002-04:00

This past weekend's concert in Nashville could have been a real disappointment if I had held onto my expectations of it. Instead I had a good time and I learned some things. In the past, I would have let my disappointments and judgements about the situation ruin the joy in the moment of sharing myself with the audience. I will be honest and admit that I had a few moments within the concert that I went to that negative place, but I didn't stay there long. So, overall I feel really great about the experience as a whole. I witnessed alot more than I judged. YEAH for me!

As a professional actress who worked in the theatre for years, I used to have a hard time enjoying certain pieces of theatre as an audience member. I was very critical by my so called "professional" standards of what I thought "worked" or "didn't work". And believe me, it's no fun going to watch something with this going on in your head. Now I just go and enjoy the experience (for the most part) and if something is really great in my opinion, it's just a bonus. That's not to say that I don't witness what worked for me and what didn't. I just don't have any judgement around it anymore.

Overall, I'm getting better and better at not judging at all and it's a great place to be. It's really impossible to be love and to be judging at the same time. . .don't ya think?! And putting things in perspective, love is really what it's all about! And as a performer, I understand that more than anything, the audience members just want to feel the love and light AND they also want authenticity. . . .something they can truly relate to and connect with. So, here's to more love and light for EVERYONE!

Feeling Grateful

2009-10-20T21:20:00.002-04:00

I have this tendency to get antsy and impatient about my projects that are in the process of unfolding instead of fully enjoying the moment. I also have this tendency to feel lonely in general. And the truth is that I have so much to be grateful for! I spent the weekend in an absolutely gorgeous mountain setting in NC- a quaint cabin with an amazing view that Marquetta and I had all to ourselves. It got cold but the cabin was so warm and cozy and we were able to spend some really quality chunks of time learning new material. Friday and Sat. evening we got to perform for a VERY appreciative audience as part of the WomenSpirit retreat at The Mountain in Highlands, NC. It was so great to be fed three wonderful meals a day without having to work to prepare them or cleanup after them! And then, I got to visit my dear friend Kathleen in her beautiful new house in Charlotte.. . wonderful talks, meditations and work on a new vision board with her!! THEN to top it all off I arrive home last night and my older son, Jacob, who is on fall break from UTC is at my home with his girlfriend and I get to visit with them!!! When Aiden got out of school, we all took a long hike around Stone Mtn and then had breakfast for dinner at IHOP. I am soooo greatful for my boys presence in my life- they are such great young adults. I am soooooo grateful for the flexibility in my schedule. ..the freedom I have to enjoy so many wonderful things and people! THANK YOU GOD! And now I am going to enjoy a good read and a hot bath. How blessed I am!

Energized and in Awe

2009-10-14T20:42:00.004-04:00

Four days on the road, full of performances, reunions, rehearsals, soul sisters, inspired conversations and creations, laughter, music, new friends. . . whew. . it was a whirlwind! It's just so amazing though how the more you get your ego out of the way, the more blocks you remove to the flow of spirit through your life. .. .how everything just gets more and more magical and miraculous! Timing is on, inspired ideas appear. .. well, I could go on and on. It's really wonderful to be in this place and I feel so completely grateful for Goddesses Grace in my life.

So, I got home late last night. .. my body felt exhausted but I was still on a high, took the dog for a walk down the creek. . sat on the sand and listened to the water rushing by, wind blowing through my hair with the clean smell of night air and a glistening glow... it was surreal. . . and I shed a few tears of gratitude, as I pet my stinky wet dog who is so in love with me and let's me know it! When I got home, I tried to go to sleep and it wasn't happening much so finally I stopped resisting, got up at 3 am because I was just continuing to download information. The inspirations and ideas just kept coming and I had to write them down. .. answers came and kept coming. . . I should have known it could be that easy!

(My laptop just sent me a message that it is running out of battery and I have been going all day too . . . pretty much. . .it's funny how I still feel pretty energized on some levels, but my body, I can feel is ready to crash. ...so before my computer does. . . here I go! Nighty Night! I don't think I'll be up writing anymore.)

Coming up out of a depression . .

2009-10-06T21:55:00.004-04:00

Well, I got out of my funk and stayed out most of the weekend, focusing on my community events including the Pine Lake Fest (art and musical festival around the lake) which was GREAT. Then it hit me again Sunday evening and by Monday morning after dropping Aiden off at school I was in bed and asleep until noon. . . . then felt guilty, began wondering what the hell I was doing with my life, feeling like a failure with my marriage, feeling like I had no one to really be there for me, loving me supporting me, blah blah blah. I played these stories in my head that just made me feel worse. I did manage to get several things done but I was so lifeless about it. . . .which spilled over to this morning. I would have glimpses of hope that would soon disappear.. .feeling disconnected here in a new place. This morning I took a hot bath and began reading "Left to Tell" a story of a Rwandan Tutsi who miraculously survived. . .boy did that put things into perspective real quick. But the thing that really helped was the prayer and meditation I did afterwards. I really needed help and clarity around some decisions I'm making in my career. I don't want my goals to be totally about "me". . .I want them to be bigger than me. . .to encompass humanity and so, I needed to get really clear about my motivations and ask God for help. The beautiful thing is that in meditation I got answers because I was still and listening. I got clear once again about my purpose as a child of Goddess and this purpose is what gives me passion and joy.. . .not the self centered goals that I sometimes get caught up in. So I pulled up out of my depression with the help of God and today just got better and better. To top it all off, after I got my answers, I went outside to walk my dog and my totem animal, a hawk, squawked and flew from a tree above me on it's way to another destination. An affirmation to me, that I am once again heading in the "right" direction of healing. Thank you Goddess!

Lighting up in every way!

2009-10-02T22:43:00.003-04:00

This evening I got in a bit of a funk. .. combination of things: I can feel that my body needs a cleanse and more exercise AND the newness of moving is wearing off and I'm facing the reality of creating a new community and more work. BUT my biggest problem is when I start to take things way too seriously! When I was in college, I was the life of the party so to speak and I was always coming up with some fun, crazy escapade. I remember shortly after I got married a friend from college calling and telling me that I sounded so mellow. She couldn't believe it. I had let the so called "weight of the world" really get to me. . . .I took the responsibility of doing whatever I could to keep things together, put my husband through school, raise my kids, etc. My outlet was my art. . .and occasionally playing with my kids. But, in retrospect I just was too serious about life in general.

The fact is that this world is an illusion and the only thing that really matters is our relationships, but we let so much get in the way of that. .. .making money for example. When I watched Oprah yesterday, they were focusing on women in developing countries just trying to get an education etc. One thing they pointed out is that despite everything there is still so much joy in the village cultures- singing, dancing, being with family. We don't need all the things we have!! We spend so much time trying to maintain our lifestyle- when if we lived simply and lived in more community (sharing things and ourselves more), we would be so much happier in general.

Tonight I'm simply grateful for being part of the Pine Lake community. I went to the comedy show at the beach house with my neighbors and laughed with them and got out of my funk. In general, I think that we all need to lighten up literally and figuratively. NOW

Being Unreasonable

2009-10-01T22:55:00.004-04:00

The truth is I'm really present to something other than last weekends story. . ..so I'm moving on and if you are curious you can read my book "Dear John: Transformations from the Aftermath of My Divorce". . .or something like that.. .

Tonight at the Landmark Seminar on "Breakthroughs: Living Outside the Box" part of the discussion was on being reasonable. . .how being reasonable is coming up with all the reasons and justifications for doing or not doing something and that these are based on our past experiences. AND this is not really being present to all the different possibilities. . .when we are reasonable we shut ourselves off from the possibility of creating something extraordinary. . from having a different experience, etc. etc. I got really present to the way I remain reasonable in my life and how it has inhibited my life from transforming in bigger ways. So the challenge is to be unreasonable. When I make a commitment or intention, I need to be unreasonable about seeing it through.

For example, there are these producers I talked to about my show over a year ago and recently I emailed them again and wrote about a new possibility and if they weren't interested in it that I would like some referrals of people they thought might be. I hadn't heard a word and I thought to myself, "well, I just need to move on and find some other sources", giving myself all the reasons and justifications why I didn't need to pursue getting an answer from them. Truth is that I need to be unreasonable in getting an answer from them!!! I need to call until I get an answer!! This is just one example of how I need to be "unreasonable" with myself in my life. In other words, this idea was a big "aha" for me especially in terms of my business. So once again, I thank God for this opportunity to attend this seminar and really get some awareness around my patterns so I can have some BIG breakthroughs/transformations into living an extraordinary life!!!

Getting Real

2009-09-30T21:28:00.005-04:00

So, here's me spilling my guts. . .because there really isn't anything to hide and I don't want to sound so trite. ..I want to be real.

My ex-husband had an affair that was going on and off for about 2 years before I realized what was really going on- or at least couldn't stay in denial about it any longer. We split up and he's continued his relationship with her and most recently has been much more open about it and much more committed to it.

I am not in denial about my part in the whole demise of our relationship and in retrospect splitting up was the best thing for both of us, but the betrayal, lack of open communication and subsequent insensitivity around the circumstances made things much more difficult and painful than they had to be. I have had to release alot around this and do several forgiveness diets as well. Overall, I feel I've handled it pretty good and I'm a much healthier person as a result of it.. .mainly because I didn't sit around playing the blame game.. ..like I said, I took a long, hard look at my part and really saw some things that made me aware of some healing I had to do. I could honestly say at this point that I'm grateful for the experience.. . but it has not been easy on my ego. It's been the most difficult thing I've ever gone through but also the thing that has facilitated the most growth so far. This journey of completely letting go of this relationship has taken me 2 full years . . .part of that is b/c after I got over letting go of the marriage, I had to let go of the idea of being friends. This happened in it's completion this past weekend. . . .a story I will share tomorrow.

Random thoughts around integrity. . .

2009-09-29T23:07:00.004-04:00

My neighbor is an astrologer and I've never had my chart done so he did it for me and then gave me an overview. It was very interesting and very accurate not only in terms of personality traits but the kinds of things I've been going through in different times of my life and what I'm moving into etc. As far as personality, I've got LOTS of Virgo in me (surprise, surprise) which he says is a sign of transformation. In other words, that's alot of what I'm up to in this life (surprise, surprise). I am Gemini rising which is where my high energy and very active nature come from. My Mars is in Leo which brings a real positive attitude into my Virgo-ness. I tend to be inspired more easily and inspiring due to this combination. Etc. etc. it was insightful and gave me some perspective. So, thanks to Alan tonight!

The other thing I want to share is that we are doing this exercise in the Landmark Seminar that I think is really great and anyone reading may want to try. It's a way of identifying areas where our integrity is "out" so we can put it back "in". So, I wrote at the top of one page: "Promises and Agreements that I have not kept:" and brainstormed. On top of another page: "Undelivered communications (i.e.requests):" and on another: "Breakdowns or Failures I Have Hidden". When I looked at my list, it really helped give me awareness around some areas that I really need to take action to heal and transform. I'm in the process of working on a few of them right now and it feels really great to be living with more integrity as a result.

Okay . .. I'm outy!

Today's earth angel!

2009-09-24T15:57:00.003-04:00

Speaking of having patience with your dreams, I have been working on a particular project for over five years . .. . .sometimes wondering if I should just drop it. And I just keep getting the message that it's not over. . .to be patient. After putting some concerted focus and effort into it recently, I expected to start seeing the fruits of my efforts and I haven't yet. Argh. And so this morning I woke up with a sense of hopelessness about it, feeling very discouraged, wondering what the heck!

One of the first things I did after dropping my son off at school was to pick up the phone and call a dear friend about the benefit concert she was producing that I would be attending. . .just to find out some details. She told me everything had been falling into place with ease and grace. . .that it was a "God thing". Then she proceeded to explain to me that she started working on the benefit in June and by August she was talking about canceling it because things just didn't seem to be working out and then all of the sudden everything started falling together easily and there she was a day before the event feeling GREAT about the outcome.

She had no idea what emotions I was going through that morning around this project! Listening to her, it was like God speaking to me through her reminding me to trust and that when the time is right things will fall into place and I will see success! I was so grateful for the timing of the conversation! So grateful for the earth angels in my life! It never fails whenever I get fearful about being out here on a limb, God comforts me and reassures me in some way and it's usually through other people in my life. What a blessing.

To the Dreamers and the Lovers (and ME)

2009-09-22T20:50:00.006-04:00

Feeling really grateful for a house that is so well made that it withstood all the flooding going on in the area. Feeling grateful for visiting family and a friend that took us on a "backstage" tour of CNN because he works there. .. on his own time!

Today I just want to share a segment from "Powerful Beyond Measure":

"As our soul gives birth to our dreams (our heart driven passion!), our ego gives birth to a twin force-impatience. Sometimes our soul opens up and gives us a glimpse of something so beautiful that we are captivated. What we don't know is that we may have some inner work to do to get there. . . .

Our cherished dreams and wishes don't "come true" for various reasons. We:

-never move them from fantasy to action

-take wrong action

-try to achieve our dream on our own, fail to ask for help from a higher power or from people who can help

-give up too soon

-take advice from the wrong people

-take too many precautions and hold back on commitment

So, I say NEVER GIVE UP. When pursuing dreams, look at the "mis-takes", learn from them and try, try, try again!!! That's what I'm in the process of doing with my dreams and I WILL be writing about my successes as I go!!

Being Vs. Doing Round #2

2009-09-21T23:01:00.003-04:00

I allowed myself ALOT of time again this morning to BE and it was AWESOME! Part of that was doing a rebirthing breathwork session on myself which has a very meditative quality to it, obviously. I don't find these sessions on myself nearly as effective as ones that I do with a professional "coach", but I'm never disappointed with the results which usually include lots of insights and inspiration. That was the case today and it just really reiterated to me the importance of having a strong sense of being in relationship with spirit before doing anything. I spent so many years doing, doing, doing that it's quite a switch to spend lots of time focusing on learning how to BE- particularly in relationship to spirit. "Being" can feel like wasting time from a certain perspective- especially from someone who is so used to primarily "doing". But the truth is that "being" before "doing" saves time because the actions are inspired and what follows happens with ease and grace at the perfect time. . there is no wasted time, no spinning wheels, no "wrong" action or "mis-takes"!!! I'm so grateful that I am in a space where I can really learn this and start to get it in my body FINALLY!

My Weekend of Willingness

2009-09-20T22:36:00.003-04:00

When Friday evening rolled around, I got to thinking how I really wished there was someone to hang out with besides my 15 year old son this weekend- not that I don't love to be with him, but I'm with him ALOT (I'm sure you get my drift). The friends I've been hanging out with mostly live in Nashville and here I am a newcomer in the Atlanta area just getting to know people who pretty much have their set of friends and "routine" with the people they know. I was feeling bummed that there wasn't anyone calling me, inviting me out to do something with them. My instinct was to mope and watch a movie or read a book. I then remembered the conversation I had with my son about being in a new school and not feeling like people were reaching out to him as the newcomer. I told him he needed to take initiative, extend himself to them etc. So, I made a resolution to do the same and call my neighbor Jill and invite her to do something with me. JUST then I got a phone call from her asking me if I wanted to walk around the lake with her. I was about to make dinner, but I dropped what I was doing and joined her instead. (It was so great to spend time talking and laughing with someone my age!) Then, Sat. rolled around and I knew there was an International Dinner in my community and although it was rainy and I really didn't feel like making a dish. I made the effort and joined my community for dinner where I met another delightful neighbor, Annette, who had checked out my Wildwood Flowers: The June Carter Musical (www.thejunecartermusical.com) website and loved it because she too is a June Carter fan. We had a great conversation that included my plans for the show and really boosted my energy around the whole subject. After the dinner, I had made plans to go to the Black Box Improv Festival with my son- it was the last night and the big finale including performances by a troupe from San Fran and NYC. My son didn't really want to go and although I knew I'd enjoy it, I really didn't feel like going by myself. But, I remembered my resolve to get out there and extend myself to other people rather than sitting at home, so I went anyway. Not only was the performance great, but I actually met this really cool guy who was there by himself too. He invited me to sit next to him and we had a really interesting initial conversation. By then end of the night, we exchanged phone numbers! So who knows. .. .but the whole thing felt miraculous. I was willing to step out of my comfort zone, do something different and amazing things happened! In other words, I had a really great weekend and I hope those of you reading this did too.

To BE or to DO? The big question for today!

2009-09-19T00:23:00.003-04:00

When I thought about writing this earlier. .. .I imagined myself beginning by writing, "I have a confession to make. . ." But then I realized that stating it that way makes it sound like I did something "wrong" or "bad" and the truth is I didn't. . .but there is a part of me (ego) that believes that based on the "shoulds" that I grew up with.

The truth is I laid in bed for several hours today. . . and at times I struggled with my guilt around it and thought about what I supposedly "should" be DOing instead. So the story is this: yesterday was a very long day, today I got up a little earlier than normal and after I dropped off my son at school, I felt exhausted, I listened to my body and I went back to bed. I woke up about 2 1/2 hours later. I started to feel guilty and then I remembered a conversation I had with my good friend Kathleen. .. .about how exhausting it is to make the BIG changes we've been making in our lives and giving ourselves room to rest. The fact is I have been through ALOT of BIG changes especially in the last 6 months. . . let alone all the years I felt like I had to run around keeping everything together, putting energy into so many different aspects of my life so that I could get them to "work". Sometimes I feel as if I'm resting from YEARS of exhaustion on some levels.

Okay so after the "power" nap, I had a conference call with the Landmark Seminar Leader and it was great. After I hung up the phone, I thought I "should" get to work on some of my projects, but I just wasn't feeling it. I tried to search myself for where this resistance was coming from. .. .did I not want to take action because I was afraid to make certain phone calls etc., was there some kindof block I was avoiding looking at or dealing with OR did I just need to continue to BE with the feeling of resting and meditating and not DO anything necessarily . . .because this feeling was strongest in my body. Yet, again I struggled with my guilt, I let it go and I lay down in a meditative state and then I got a phone call from my dear friend Kathleen. I think we must have talked about 1 1/2 hours or more. . .she needed help working through some difficulties she was faced with in terms of living life with more integrity and stepping more fully into her powerful, divine self. It was an awesome conversation which led to more awareness on both of our parts, including letting go of old definitions of "work" and "success" that were not serving our higher selves. It was a very empowering conversation for both of us which left me feeling energized. Anyone from the outside looking in at my day might have seen something that visually looked very unproductive, but the truth was that it was an incredibly productive day - maybe not in socially acceptable ways but by our new definition of success as being measured by the amount of joy and peace you have in your life . ..it was right up there!! It was transformative and healing which is powerful stuff. I felt like my conversation with Kathleen today was another boost in the direction of more fully stepping into my divine self. It also gave me even more clarity in terms how to more fully step into my "work". . .or my heart driven purpose and passion .. .. the thing that energizes me and mostly feels like PLAY!!!! so YEAH for me! and Kathleen!

So, the truth was I was inspired to leave room for this conversation to happen. . . .I wasn't being lazy or resistant at all. It was very powerful to make that distinction today- miraculous actually.

Turning My Failure into Success!

2009-09-16T21:28:00.006-04:00

I was noticing today how I feel particularly blocked when it comes to moving forward with one of my projects. The first attempt at this project "failed" and I lost a huge amount of money (I didn't really have!), a couple "friends" and basically a "husband" partially as a result. In fact, I've tried a lot of things that just haven't worked out the way I had hoped. I started thinking that maybe somewhat unconsciously I haven't fully forgiven myself for my "failures" including my marriage and that maybe this was a big part of the block. So I started a forgiveness diet on myself. . the first part of which is to write a letter just spewing out all the crap and boy was there some crap that came out. I burned this letter and then started writing my affirmations of forgiveness (for the full "diet" see my earlier entry). Interestingly, later in the day I picked up where I had left off in the book: "Powerful Beyond Measure" and there was a quote I thought was perfect:

"We are not taught how to fail and how to lose with dignity and awareness. Our so-called and imagined failures become the doorway to profound success in our lives-success that is not measured by commonplace standards, but by the currency of depth of being, compassion and wisdom. In fact, failure and loss have the possibility to be among humanity's greatest tools for a process of radical internal transformation that is deeply satisfying as well as enduring. The very experiences, events and emotions we fear most and attempt to avoid are frequently our greatest opportunities-openings we often pass up because our apprehension keeps us from learning to experience failure in such a way that it is transformed into invaluable gain."
(Mariana Caplan, author of The Way of Failure-Winning through Losing)

The truth is I have grown tremendously from my failures and I will continue to. I have also had successes and I look at what I have created here with my move and know without a doubt that there are lots more to come.

Washing away ego's god with the rain!

2009-09-15T21:25:00.005-04:00

I went on a walk with my son, Aiden, and dog, Puck this afternoon. It was pouring down rain, but we stayed mostly dry under our umbrellas (minus the dog, of course!). We walked around the lake and next to the the very full and rushing creek. We watched a big, ancient looking snapping turtle cross the path from the lake to the creek. We jumped over puddles and in puddles. It was all so wonderfully fun and beautiful and I thought to myself, "This is how I felt when I was a kid just purely enjoying the moment, with no thought of time or what needed to be done or any kind of worry. . . .when someone else was taking care of me and I didn't have to concern myself with how to get by day to day." Then I thought to myself about how if we truly and completely trusted in God/dess that's what it would feel like all the time. . . . very freeing!! Contemplating the idea of completely trusting God reminded me of an exchange I had about that earlier. As I wondered about why it's so hard to trust, what I come up with is that the God I created earlier in my life was my ego's version of god. . .and this god let me down. The problem is that I project my past experiences of "god" onto the Divine and still confuse the two in terms of expectations. Wow. . light bulb! and what power there is in awareness. . .it's the first step to healing.

Letting Things Unfold

2009-09-14T22:27:00.002-04:00

I didn't plan today. I did my morning meditation and listened and allowed things to show up. I felt like I got a lot accomplished with no stress. I stayed busy and balanced. In addition, I had some lovely surprises that I was open to. . .things that really blessed my life. The best surprise was that my friend and cohort (for one of the projects I'm working on) called me up and said she was heading down to Atlanta for a food show and did I want to meet for dinner. We had an amazing and lovely dinner full of all kinds of wonderful foods (we went to a tapas restaurant and tried almost everything on their menu!!) with her and her chef and two other cooks and her chef paid for the whole thing! Most importantly we got to sort of have some closure around a very exciting discussion we started in earnest this past Friday in Nashville about our project. We were able to commit to certain actions we would both be taking to move it forward. Mostly, though we just had a really great time . . .great food and great company. It's all about relationships! LOVE LOVE LOVE is all we need. So, I'm feeling very grateful for good friends (and food!).

Extraordinary vs. Ordinary

2009-09-13T21:24:00.003-04:00

I intend to create a clear connection to the divine in order to fully step into the truth of who I am. I understand that by intending this that I will continue to come up against the blocks my ego has created. And so I will have breakdowns in order to have breakthroughs. . .this is all part of facing and conquering my ego and it's fears. In other words, I am choosing to become an extraordinary person, living an extraordinary life. I will not settle for ordinary.

I read over the 9 posts before my birthday on 09-09-09 and here are the 9 tools that I feel inspired to commit to on this path:

1.Start everyday in prayer/meditation. Surround myself in God's love and ask for spirit's guidance.

2.Do forgiveness diets when I notice I'm stuck with a person.

3.Do rebirthing breathwork at least once a week.

4.Do a Course in Miracles workbook lesson each day

5.Yoga twice a week, aerobic exercise 3 times (listen to my bodies needs, detox when I need to, eat more pure foods!)

6.Give more love by extending myself to others and helping to create more community (volunteer or produce an event in my neighborhood at least once a month)

7.Surround myself with people and things that lift me and support me in my journey (Landmark seminar, maintain my home as a sacred space- thorough cleaning every weekend)

8.Strive for complete integrity. . . make inspired commitments that I know I can keep, keep my word, and be completely honest and transparent

9.End my day in gratitude for all the good (write "thanks" in journal and or meditate on all the good)

From now on, I will simply be sharing inspiring personal stories as I more fully awaken to my "angel" within!

My Support Group for the next 3 Months!!

2009-09-10T23:31:00.003-04:00

So I took this thing called Landmark Forum 7 years ago (check it out at www.landmarkeducation.com) and had some pretty significant transformations from that experience. Once you take the Forum, you are eligible to participate in Landmark Seminars and there are all kinds of them! You take the seminar once a week for three hours and it last three months. I never took one b/c they didn't have any in Nashville, but when I moved to Atlanta I looked into it and the one they had starting next was entitled: "Breakthroughs: Living Outside the Box". And the description read: A breakthrough is often thought of as a one-time event—a quantum leap that moves us “outside the box.” This seminar addresses how to operate powerfully once we are in that new territory—how to manage and sustain a breakthrough and have that new place be a platform for generating the next level of living.

Breakdowns are an integral and critical part of any breakthrough. When breakdowns are seen as stepping stones to a breakthrough - something that was not predictable becomes possible. Breakdowns occur only against a background commitment - they are an occasion for extraordinary action, for making something happen that would not have happened otherwise.

I thought this was PERFECT for where I am in my life so I signed up and tonight was the first night. What I know is that I have had alot of BIG breakdowns in my life and as a result of that I'm having BIG breakthroughs. . .and still having them. Mostly I really want to commit to having breakthroughs when it comes to manifesting my dreams in terms of my career and spiritual partnership. By doing this seminar, the biggest thing for me is that it is helping me to be accountable to the things I'm committing. . .it's like a support group for people on the similar paths. I'm so very excited about this opportunity at this juncture b/c I know it will be a crucial part of fully stepping into the life I'm creating. YEAH!!!! This was totally affirmed to me tonight. Each week we have assignments and we also have small groups of 5 people each that we touch basis with in between weekly sessions! YEAH!!!!

09-09-09 Also Known as B-Day

2009-09-10T00:27:00.002-04:00

I'm typing this post very late. . . my day has been so full of LOVE! I can't remember the last time I felt so much of it.. .AMAZING DAY! Thanks to all of you who sent it my way!

I'm so tired that I'm just going to share some of the book "Powerful Beyond Measure" with you:

"As our soul gives birth to our dreams, our ego gives birth to a twin force-impatience. Sometimes our soul opens up and gives us a glimpse of something so beautiful that we are captivated What we don't know is that we may have some inner work to do to get there. But we haven't been betrayed, we've been enticed and engaged. Delays are not denials-we honestly don't know how long it may take for our dream to come to fruition.

Why Don't Our Dreams Seem to Come True? Our cherished dreams and wishes don't come true for various reasons. We

-never move them from fantasy to action

-take wrong action

-try to achieve our dream on our own, fail to ask help from a higher power or from people who can help

-give up to soon

-take advice from the wrong people

-take too many precautions and hold back on commitment"

I know some of these have been true for me, BUT no more. I'm in the process of fulfilling some of my dreams and this new birth year is the year for some of them to come to fruition. I KNOW it and I am committed to the process! And so, I will now go to bed, have a deep and restful sleep with lots of wonderful dreams. I hope you do to.

Less than 24 hours until B-DAY!!!!

2009-09-08T22:17:00.002-04:00

A friend told me that I was adorable yesterday night!!! Yes, me! and it felt good to feel adorable to someone.. .it's such a great word! ADORE-able! It's like the perfect affirmation of the divine in us. That's what I want to do more of. . . .I want to affirm the divine in others and help them feel adorable. And the great thing is that if I am more consciously affirming the divine in others, then I'm affirming it in myself as well! "All of us are channels through which loving energy would flow freely if we awakened more fully." (Powerful Beyond Measure)

Moving into this new birth year, I am committed to giving more love and receiving more love! And it's going to be more easy just living in this wonderful neighborhood I moved to. I live in this forest of cottages with a small lake in the middle. .it's a village really and it's called Pine Lake. It's full of all these diverse, eclectic people who commune with each other on a regular basis through organized activities at the beach house and community center, etc. In fact yesterday, the community met at the picnic tables by the lake to have a Labor Day BBQ. The city provided the BBQ and we each brought a dish to share and then there was a live band at the gazebo! When you walk your dog, people actually stop to talk to you. Everyone actually knows each other!!! I've only been here a few weeks and I know several, loving, friendly people who have gone out of their way to make me feel welcome. On the first day I arrived, one neighbor brought over muffins and her contact info. A few days after that another neighbor arrived with fresh garden vegetables and a certificate for a free message. . etc. . etc.. etc. This is how neighborhoods should be. . . .full of love and connection! I'm sure I will find it inspiring and helpful in developing more of this in all areas of my life.

Okay, so I think if I were to look over the last nine days and summarize the things I'm committing to this new year of my life, that would be helpful. But maybe tomorrow b/c I'm pooped out and ready for my beauty sleep so I can hopefully continue being adorable and adoring!

2 days until 09-09-09!!!

2009-09-07T21:39:00.007-04:00

The truth will set me free. . .the entire and complete truth!!! I'm embarrassed (bare-assed!) to admit that I occasionally omit things that I should say in order to give an accurate, truthful accounting . . as a result, giving somewhat skewed impressions open to inaccurate interpretations. I also sometimes exaggerate and "fudge" the truth a little. Yikes. . .I caught myself doing it yesterday! I thought about what this does and where it comes from. . .its obviously fear and usually fear that I'm not enough just the way I am. What occurred to me last night is that when I do this. . .I'm actually making the reason to act out of this fear real. . .when the reason is really based on an illusion....so I'm just perpetuating the idea that the reason for the fear is real!!! I know this is a little hard to follow, but do you get my drift? The truth will set me free, baby!!! I'm enough and the truth of who I am is divine. I'm now even more committed to be completely honest and live with complete integrity!

It's really important to speak your truth even in a difficult situation. Sometimes we are just not in the best space to do it without causing other problems. I have had to learn the hard way, though, that sometimes it's best not to open my mouth at that moment . .. .to make sure that I'm not coming from an ego space or to make sure the other person(s) is really in a space to hear what I need to say. It's become really important for me to be inspired in these situations about when and how to communicate my truth. I have had to just take a deep breath, try to center myself and listen. Sometimes, I have had to pray for help because it all seemed too hard. . .and miracles happen! I can guarantee, that done under the "right" circumstances that speaking the truth has healing power for all involved.

3 more days until B-day

2009-09-06T21:27:00.002-04:00

2 weeks ago I was at a Unity church with my fellow performer, Marquetta, as the Pacha Mamas doing a song and sermon we called "Make a Joyful Noise". . . it was all about how we connect with Source through our joy, celebration, laughter, humor etc. During the sermon, Marquetta brought up the point that it's important who we choose to spend our time with. We need to surround ourselves with people that help lift us up and support us in embracing our passions and dreams.. .the things that bring us joy. I thought about making this decision to move to Atlanta and how some people reacted in a negative way, not understanding why I would come down without a "real" job, etc. . . why I would just "up and leave" a place that I had grown some roots, etc. etc. We all want to be accepted by the people we love, but we can't sacrifice our integrity for it! (And sometimes we have to give up the relationship for our own good- and this is not easy, but necessary). It was hard listening to those people and I even went through a period after I had made the decision of questioning and wondering whether I should go or not. Luckily, I also had a lot of people in my life who really got it, who supported me and were excited for me. . .and I'm sooooo grateful for them! They definitely made the decision easier.

When trying to remain in a place where I feel connected to Source/God (and remain joyful and peaceful!), it's not only imperative to surround myself with people who help support this, but also with circumstances and environments that support this. My home, for example, will be maintained as a sacred, joyful and peaceful environment. I will consciously eat food that helps me to feel good, to think positive thoughts, listen to inspiring music, read inspiring books, etc. I do not watch the news (or much TV period). In other words, I intend to consciously surround myself with "goodness" in order to feel God's presence more easily.

4 days and counting. . .

2009-09-05T10:44:00.003-04:00

What about the idea of someone else motivating you to be a better person? I'm inclined to believe that this can be part of the equation. . but you can't be attached to the results and that's the hard part. And hopefully in the journey, you realize it really was ultimately for yourself. .. if you didn't already, of course.

I starting thinking about this because of a statement my ex-husband made to me: "There are thousands of better men out there for you!" The truth is that I just wanted him to be better for me. In other words, I wanted him to heal those parts of his life that would make him a better partner and, believe me, I'm not saying that I don't have things to heal- but, like I was reminded yesterday (see yesterday's blog) commitment to the process is what makes the difference.

(Okay, I confess I got in a funk last night after I posted. .. and this is part of the aftermath). I realize you have to respect other people's paths and do your darndest not to judge the decisions people make, but when you love them dearly it's hard to watch. You want to advise them. .. help them, but the truth is all you can do is love them for who they are and where they are and that can be REALLY hard sometimes. Sometimes, all you can do is live your best life and hope that some of it rubs off on those you love around you. This actually does help motivate me to live my best life. . .when I think about it helping those I love!!

Then I went to my community breakfast this morning .. yes, I pulled myself out of bed on a Sat. morning at 8:30 am, took a shower and went to go meet my neighbors. (I am committed to being a part of this community and connecting because I know it will bring more joy!) At any rate, we ended up talking about addictions. One of the women was a recovering alcoholic and it was her friends who insisted she look at her addiction and get help. I realized that there are times when loved ones need to actively intervene in a persons life. But, obviously, it's best if those times are inspired- timing can be everything!

And so I think about one of my dearest friends. . ..and I wonder what I should do. .. so I will ask and I will listen. Till tomorrow!

5 days until. . . .

2009-09-04T19:23:00.003-04:00

Today I finally made it to Yoga class for the first time this week. I know my body needs this, in fact, ideally more than once a week. I went twice the week before and kept contemplating buying one of those 10 class cards that have to be used up in a certain amount of time to get a great discount. Today I overheard someone renewing their 10 class "card" and the teacher said something like "now that's being committed". I need to be more committed! With that reminder, I immediately got my 10 class card and I AM COMMITTED to 2 classes per week minimum.

COMMITMENT! Yikes. . . take a deep breath. . . .yes, being committed to something your inspired to be committed to is actually FREEING!! I was also reminded of the importance of commitment when reading a passage from "Powerful Beyond Measure" by Nick Williams. Here is an excerpt:

"When we are living our purpose, the bigger our purpose, the bigger our fear. The more people we can potentially help, the more our ego will try to force us into fear and playing small. Our ego urges us to delay our mission for thousands of spurious reasons: you are not ready yet, you need more qualifications, you need to lose weight, be old and wiser, be younger. . . I am sure you can create your own list very easily. The crucial point is that our ego will tell us that now is never quite the right time, and we aren't quite the right person to live our purpose. Has your ego ever told you that you are exactly the right person, perfect for this assignment, and this is exactly the right time? We need to recognize that feeling unqualified or unprepared does not disqualify us. . . .We are called to be willing to start, not perfectly prepared, and be willing to commit to each step of the way. . . Commitment holds a magic and mysterious power within it, which is why we are often scared. Remember our ego tries to create fear around every gift we have. Commitment opens doors to freedom and helps us release ourselves from our fears, no create more of them."

Okay so here's my confession. . . I moved to Atlanta and I don't have a "real" job!!! I've committed to this house and my son's private education here. I did it because I was inspired and, so, I am committed to this move and to my life's purpose as a healing artist. I have several projects I'm working on and I KNOW they will support my needs! This was HUGE leap of faith. BUT, the truth is that once I committed, I really felt supported in sooooo many, miraculous ways. When you are willing to take that leap, trust me God meets you there and holds you.

TRUST can be the hard part, the rest is really actually easy. Thank you GOD!

6 days until 09-09-09 and counting

2009-09-03T20:55:00.003-04:00

I started a "forgiveness diet" last night.

FORGIVENESS DIET RECIPE: Day one: write a letter of rage to the person you need to forgive- just let all the negative stuff out and then destroy it (I burn mine). Immediately afterward, write for the first 10 or so times: "I, (your name), now completely forgive you, (persons name) for. .. .(whatever comes out)". Then continue writing a simplified version of the statement without the "for. .. ", until you've written it out for a total of 70 times (including the first few of the extended version). Do this for 7 days in a row and on the last day, write a letter of reconciliation (make sure there are no underlying, hidden digs). You can either choose to give this letter to the person or not. Results = miracles. I could write a couple of amazing stories on my experience with this.

Okay. .but this is the THIRD forgiveness diet I've felt I've need to do on the same person. It seems like just when I think I've totally forgiven this person, they do something that sets me off again. What I experienced with this person, was the feeling of betrayal on so many levels, but the anger and hurt I've held on has been a betrayal to myself. It inhibits me from fully stepping into the beauty of my life. It keeps me stuck in the past. It sucks energy that I could put to much better use. I really want to be "over" this whole thing by my birthday! I mean totally, completely to the point where all there is left is the love I feel for this person- no matter what!

So, I was reading in TCIM (The Course in Miracles) about Jesus' role in healing. (I have recently begun healing my personal relationship with Jesus which was not so great due to negative associations with some fundamental Christian beliefs and because of some deep seated guilt that I had. Another story!). At any rate, it talks about calling on Jesus as part of a healing process and the miracles that can result from that. So this time around I decided to add this element into my forgiveness diet since I obviously need some help. I've been writing: I, Angela, in the name of Jesus Christ, now completely forgive . . ..for at least the first 10 times. There has definitely been a major release/shift which feels like it could be totally complete this time around!!! Not sure if it has to do with the fact that this is the third time around. . ..but I'm inclined to believe it's because I've asked for a Master's help.

Today. . .I felt lighter. :-)

7 days and counting

2009-09-02T20:33:00.003-04:00

So, this morning I was thinking of ways to practically apply the idea of being more grateful. My friend, Laura, keeps a gratitude journal. . . so as a simplification of that idea, I wrote on the cover of my current journal "GRATITUDE" to remind myself to consciously and regularly write about things I'm grateful for.

Here is what I wrote this afternoon:

I am grateful for this beautiful house that I live in and I will not take it for granted. I am committed to taking care of it, treating it with love and respect as a reflection of my gratitude.

I am grateful for my washer and dryer. Unlike so many people around the world, all I have to do is simply throw my clothes in and turn it on- leaving more time to do the things I love.

I am grateful that when I get hungry, I can walk into my kitchen and get something to eat. Not only do I have enough food and a variety of it, but it is so easy to obtain! My stomach is grateful too!

Synchronistically, I read in the Manual for Teachers portion of TCIM today: "gratitude to God becomes the way in which He is remembered, for love cannot be far behind a grateful heart and thankful mind. Got enters easily, for these are the true conditions for your homecoming".

Peace out. . .tomorrow. . I'll probably write about the "forgiveness diet" I am starting tonight which is a 7 day process. . so that I will be done by my birthday!!!

8 days until 09-09-09

2009-09-01T20:14:00.002-04:00

So many beautiful things to report! I kept imagining writing these little tidbits on this blog all day! But as The Course in Miracles states, we "must learn to use words in a new way . . .step back and let God lead the way. . .listen, hear and speak." This brings up a point about this journey. I will be finishing The Course in Miracles for the first time (Text, Workbook, and Manual for Teachers) the day before my birthday. Starting on my birthday I intend to repeat the 365 Workbook lessons- this time with more consistency. In other words actually doing one a day as instructed. (google The Course in Miracles if your not familiar with it!)

Okay. . .so a personal story from today. I was at Walmart and had already had to wait 15 minutes (I'm not exaggerating) for someone to come help me with something. So, when I got to the checkout lane and there was someone telling me that the cashier would be right there. . . well, that set me a little over the edge as I waited, yet again. I imagined that the cashier would probably have an attitude when she arrived- she obviously didn't like her job (and there I was with an attitude). Turns out she was very apologetic and nice. The thing is as I walked away, the customer behind me asked this woman how she was and the woman sincerely replied, "I'm grateful!". And, I thought "wow, what a great attitude!" (and shame on me for making assumptions). I thought about being more grateful- something I am striving for. I thought about the fact that I have so much compared to most people in the world. I lived in Khartoum, Sudan for a year and it changed my life. . .but sometimes I forget. I really believe that those of us who are fortunate enough to live in such an abundant, rich country have an obligation to do what we can to try to help balance the wealth out in the world- help make a world where extreme poverty doesn't exist- where everyone has their basic needs met. This economic recession is really nothing when put in perspective and most people who are considered living in poverty here are rich compared to those truly living in poverty in this world. I know. . .I have seen it. Plus in this country there are so many more opportunities to better yourself and get ahead than there are in the developing countries. There are so many grassroots, honest, productive organizations out there facilitating healing that people can get involved with. Check this one out, run by a friend: www.motherswithoutborders.com. So, for me this is a reminder. . to be grateful and to be involved in helping less fortunate.

Okay. . .enough for this post. . .it's time to eat Eggplant Parmesan. . .I know . . it's late for dinner (at least by most people's standards. . not you, Linda! :-)

9 days until 09-09-09 also known as my birthday!!!!

2009-08-31T21:19:00.000-04:00

I've been anticipating my 09-09-09 birthday- wanting it to be "special". . .maybe the day that I would ascend! Hallelujah!

BUT as my friends and family can attest. . I'm just not there yet. So, in the light of having recently made some significant changes for the better in my life, having broken some negative patterns and having made a physical move to a new area as well. . . it's a good time to really commit to my spiritual awakening in a more disciplined way. . .with this "fresh" start in a new place!!!

09-09-09 is the day that I will begin to consciously, intentionally commit to TOTALLY surrendering to Source, Divine, God, whatever name you want to use! It is the day that I embrace the angel (divine) within in a way that I never have before. So the question is HOW? These days preceding 09-09-09, I will explore some tools that I feel inspired to use and come up with somewhat of a game plan to help keep me centered in spirit as much as possible so that I can hear the VOICE FOR GOD more clearly and more often. . .. and follow it!!!

Keep posted for the ride!!!